The New Beauty Treatment That’s Freaking Me Out

by Jenny Hansen

The ultimate "kitty" spa.

The ultimate “kitty” spa.

When I saw a LivingSocial email in my inbox about “Ultrasonic Cavitation,” I totally thought they were selling vibrators. Turns out it’s a form of liposuction that’s all the rage in Europe. Who knew, right?

I haven’t seen a discount coupon for the V-Steam, but I read an article on it that I wish I’d written. This gal had me crying with laughter over “Great news: You can finally get your vagina steam-cleaned.”

(Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow thinks women all over the world should get some mugwort steam blown up their hoohah.)

The article was written by Lucy Gransbury and she gave me a hilarious 15 minutes. The entire article is fabulous, but my favorite paragraph was:

So… a stranger will rub some ground-up compost onto your special place, and then spray some steam up there for a good half hour. Anyone else feeling uncomfortable about this? I’m accidentally doing pelvic-floor clenches just thinking about it.

When I told the Hubs about it, he said: It’s not a stovepipe! Jeez. Don’t they realize that’s the last area where a woman wants steam? My sentiments exactly. There’s a video featured at the bottom of Lucy’s article, sharing the experience.


All I’ve got to say is: Shelly (from the video) is either one brave-ass babe, or she’s missing half the nerve endings in her vajayjay. [I’m sure she is now, after the “treatment.”] Here’s Shelly’s article on the V-Spa. She brings a whole new meaning to “smoking gun,” if you know what I mean. And apparently, if you’re on the hunt for beauty treatments for your lady bits, there’s something called the vajacial. Read THIS review (also at Mama Mia) if you want another belly laugh. Her conclusion is fabulous:

I guess, whatever makes you feel more confident, right? The politics of pubes are tricky, and if you find self-confidence in the dewy glow of a fanny facial who are we to judge.

Okay, I’ll admit it…I judged. What’s up with all the Hoohah Haters, coming up with these treatments? Why does this particular part of the female figure need to be improved? Can’t we all just celebrate our bodies without treating them like a fireplace flue? What say you, SocialIn posse? Would you try (or support your lady pals in trying) the V-Steam or the Vajacial? What’s the strangest beauty treatment you’ve heard of? Continue the discussion at the #SocialIn hashtag on Twitter or SocialInDC on Facebook!

~ Jenny

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About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 18 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm.

© 2015 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me.

Kitty photo credit: “I’m all right, Coolest place in the house!” via photopin (license)

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