06242017Headline:

If Internet Dating Isn’t Paying Off, What To Do

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Image via Photographer Frank Selmo WANA Commons

By. Kristen Lamb

All right! We’ve discussed reasons to consider on-line dating, ways to spot predators, essentials in a profile, how to write a profile, and how to stay safe when first meeting. Last time we talked about ideas for first dates. But what if you do all of this and on-line dating just fails to live up to expectations?

Revisit Your Expectations

First of all, it’s on-line dating, not a mail-order-spouse site. The only thing on-line dating does differently than regular dating is it connects us with people we likely would never meet another way. Dating is a process and there is no telling how long that “process” might take.

Consider a Different Dating Site

Some sites cater to specific groups. J-Date, Equally Yoked, and Christian Mingle matches couples based off faith and common belief systems. eHarmony uses algorithms to pair couples based on compatibility—personality, wants, goals, desires and needs. While eHarmony and Match.com are big enough to take care of older adults, if you don’t find what you like, try going niche.

Sites like OurTime cater specifically to an over-50 clientele. People are living longer than ever and there are millions of single Baby Boomers, so these sites are getting bigger by the day. This also helps you search for a mate who wants to date a peer, not a child. Sites like OurTime are not going to be any interest to a fifty or sixty-year-old man looking for a woman half his age.

There are also dating sites that match active singles, so if you compete in triathlons or climb mountains, you might find Mr. Right or Ms. Right on FitnessSingles.com. The new site SamePlate.com focuses on the culinary side of romance.

Meet on the common ground of FOOD. Connect with a fellow foodie or even a fellow dieter. Why spend time trying to convert a potential mate to being vegan when you can find a mate who already is?

Revisit Your Profile

If you’re experience with on-line dating is leaving you cold, make sure your profile isn’t to blame. Check out my earlier posts for some helpful tips.

Also, sometimes we need to possibly change what we’re looking for. As an example, back when I was first on Match.com, I didn’t really care what level of education my date had. My father never graduated college, and he was one of the most brilliant people I’d ever known. The problem?

I endured more than my fair share of dates with men who were insecure because I’d finished college and they hadn’t. Few things are more “fun” than lunch with a guy who pours on and on about how not all college graduates are smart. It just got to be a hassle, so I finally checked Bachelors Degree and Above. After that, I had better dates.

Give it Time and Maybe Take a Break

Remember, new people are signing up all the time. There are also times of year where there will be a lot more new blood. Um, like around Valentine’s Day? If you haven’t been having the best luck, hide your profile, lay low and take a break.

When I met my future husband, my profile was actually hidden and inactive. Match did this thing where every week they’d send me an e-mail with my five “best matches.” I’d at least take a look to see if I found any of them interesting.

One evening, I opened the e-mail and there was a military-looking guy who was cute, but he lived way outside the geography parameters I’d set.

But, in the corner, there was a button for me to see more matches like this person. I went ahead and clicked it and that’s when I saw Shawn. I knew we were perfect for each other, and guess what? I was right. We’ve been together four and a half years, and happily married for four of them.

But here’s the thing, I’d been on and off Match.com for several months. I didn’t meet my future husband Week One or even MONTH One. It took time, but was worth every minute.

I hope this series helps you find the love you deserve. I know I would have never found my soul mate without Match.com, and I hope you guys can learn from these lessons I learned the hard way. Dating should be safe and smart, but it should also be FUN.

***

Kristen Lamb is the author of the #1 best-selling books We Are Not Alone–The Writer’s Guide to Social Media and Are You There, Blog? It’s Me, Writer. Feel free to follow her weekday blog or find her on Facebook and Twitter. Kristen is the C.E.O. of WANA International and the founder of the social site for creatives, WANATribe.

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